Supporting a loved one with a disability, whether this is something they have had for their whole life or something new for them, can be tricky if you don't know what to do for the best. Many people fall into the trap of assuming a disabled person has a reduced capacity to understand what is going on. However, generally, for most people, it's life as normal with a few adaptations to help them navigate life.
This post examines how you can correctly offer support without crossing boundaries or speaking out of turn.
Ask
Before you take it upon yourself to offer anything, you should ask. Sometimes, help isn't actually wanted or needed, and you can step on their toes if you presume another person wants you to do something on their behalf. This goes for people you know and strangers. Just because someone doesn't seem to be able to do something at first glance, it doesn't mean this is always the case. So stop, ask, and find out if your assistance will be required.
Demonstrate Patience
Disabilities aren't one-size-fits-all, and some people will need extra support in different ways; however, regardless of the disability, you can and should demonstrate patience. Don't try to rush a person physically to move faster than they can, talk faster, or communicate better. Accept any limitations they might have and be patient with them or allow them to live their life without judgment.
Don't Be Patronising
Talk to them as you would anyone else. Slowing down your speech or overly enunciating your words can be patronizing for the most part. Act naturally, talk properly, and help to preserve your relationship.
It goes without saying here that things like head patting or patting someone on the shoulder, can also be deemed patronizing in any context, so avoid them at all times.
Work With Them, Not for Them
As mentioned above, many people living with any type of disability will likely have developed coping mechanisms for anything they are unable to do in the same way as a non-disabled person. Trying to take over and do something for them won't work well or even be needed. Instead, follow their lead and only interject when your help is specifically requested. Whether this is helping them contact a Disability Law Group to gain social security for a new disability or to reach something they cannot from higher shelving and so on. Don't just assume; wait for your help to be requested.
Be Inclusive
Again, not all disabilities present the same, and nor do all disabled people need the same adjustments to support. Ensuring your actions and behaviors are inclusive and don't push out anyone who isn't non-disabled can help you ensure they are still involved in all aspects of life where possible. Choose accessible venues; don't dissuade them from planning events or days out or stop inviting them simply because of their disability. Your words and actions when it comes to inclusivity will speak volumes, so removing anything negative can be a small way you can support them.
Living with a disability doesn't necessarily mean that a person is in any way unable to carry out everyday tasks or live their life. It simply means they must adapt how they live and approach things. Offering your support doesn't mean doing everything for them; it means allowing them to live their life and understanding when to help and when to step back.
