By Brian McKay
It seems that a lot of evangelicals are flocking to Donald Trump. Besides the fact that he has been ambiguous on many issues that matter to them and no one at his professed church has ever seen him there, they are ready to vote Donald. What really matters though is that the term Christian assumes that you worship Jesus Christ and Trump seems to reflect everything that would have appalled the very Jesus Christ I used to read about.
Let's be honest., hypocrisy is always fun. So for some Saturday fun, here are the top 15 Trump statements we feel that would have made Jesus Christ cringe.
15) “Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president?! I mean, (Carly Fiorina’s) a woman, and I'm not supposed to say bad things, but really, folks, come on. Are we serious?" - yep, pretty sure that Jesus Christ never berated someone's face.
14) “I don’t think Ivanka would do that [pose for Playboy], although she does have a very nice figure. I’ve said if Ivanka weren't my daughter, perhaps I'd be dating her.” - incest? Wasn't that kind of a bad thing in the Bible?
13) “If I were running The View, I’d fire Rosie O’Donnell. I mean, I’d look at her right in that fat, ugly face of hers, I’d say ‘Rosie, you’re fired.” - "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." Jesus Christ
12) “The beauty of me is that I’m very rich.” - "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven." - Jesus Christ
11) “I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I’m more honest and my women are more beautiful.” - "For what shall it profit a man, if he gain the whole world, and suffer the loss of his soul?" - Jesus Christ
10) "My IQ is one of the highest — and you all know it! Please don't feel so stupid or insecure; it's not your fault." - "For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and everyone who humbles himself will be exalted." - Jesus Christ
9) "I like kids. I mean, I won't do anything to take care of them; I'll supply funds, and she'll take care of the kids." - “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” - Jesus Christ
8) "A person who is flat-chested is very hard to be a 10." - nope, no Jesus Christ quotes on breast size to be found
7) “Our great African-American President hasn’t exactly had a positive impact on the thugs who are so happily and openly destroying Baltimore.” - Jesus Christ? Not a racist.
6) "The other thing with the terrorists is you have to take out their families, when you get these terrorists, you have to take out their families." - "Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy." Jesus Christ
5) "You could see there was blood coming out of (Megyn Kelly's) eyes, blood coming out of her whatever." - yeah it was the Old Testament that feared menstruation. Jesus Christ wouldn't have ventured there.
4) “You know, it really doesn’t matter what they write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.” - in the New Testament an ass was used for hauling goods and had larger ears than a horse. Certainly, Jesus liked the old testament form of an ass and would have considered the Donald Trump connotation to mean that in all actuality Trump was the ass.
3) "The point is; you can never be too greedy." - “And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.” - Jesus Christ
2) "Women, you have to treat them like shit." - No comment needed here.
1) "I'm not sure I have ever asked God's forgiveness. I don't bring God into that picture.... When I go to church and when I drink my little wine and have my little cracker, I guess that is a form of forgiveness. I do that as often as I can because I feel cleansed." - “And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.” - Jesus Christ
If you read anything above and in any way felt that Jesus Christ would have voted for Trump, psychosis can create all kinds of beliefs that reaffirm us.
Brian McKay is a co-founder of zenruption. He realizes we are all hypocrites but despises gross and ignorant hypocrisy. He was a hypocrite earlier today. Ok, maybe few times earlier today, but he is willing to admit it.