Dear Donny Orange Man,
We know you might be busy eating KFC and watching Fox and Friends right now, but we wanted to offer you a gift. Obviously, you usually never read a script and we worry at times how well you actually can read. This is a masterpiece that doesn’t have a lot of big words and will describe the wall in only the amazing way you can describe things.
We look forward to hearing this in your next speech.
“Four score and seven years ago… whatever four score is, it came to me. I have a dream! A dream for all Americans. I urge you to ask not what your country can do for you, but hear my dream.
It is a dream of a beautiful wall. It is clear and tall. People are safe from random 60 lb bags of drugs and it has solar on the top. Friggin’ solar! Making energy like only I could have something make energy. It is beautiful, like the body of Macron’s wife. Lights will shoot up from it to announce its grandeur.
It is a new day in America. Holographic technology will allow all legal citizens to watch Rob Goldstone music videos and The Apprentice reruns high above this beautiful, beautiful wall. God, will give us this wall. It is in the honor of God and my second favorite book, The Bible, that our wall will have laser beams that pop up from the top and shoot any small, brown children trying to burrow under it. With God’s grace, a force field will extend on the other side to keep the rapists and murderers from harming my wall. It will be big and beautiful because no one can build a wall like I build a wall.
In my dream, Ms. Universe contestants will use the top of the wall as a cat walk while lasers shoot at the little invaders on the other side. Beautiful women and beautiful lasers. Mexico will hand me a check over the wall to pay for it. Not one of those regular checks, but one of those big Publishers Clearing House size checks. Did I mention it will all be so beautiful? KFC will be served every ten miles and Big Macs every five. Amazing and beautiful fast food. Only the greatest fast food.
America chooses to do this that and the other thing not because it is easy but because it is hard. Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!
Yes, we can! We are stronger together!
This is my dream.”